Inner Hardware

"All that was inside of her?"

The Bishop nodded as he inspected the items. I was amazed.

"Is she in pain?"

"Much less now." The Bishop explained. "The hardware supported part of the spine as it fused, but the bone above started to fail. They had to pull out the old metal, then add new support at the failure."

"I hope she stays clear of big magnets."

One Arming It

"Thank you!" Booger yelled.

As we sped by on our steeds, I looked over to see an old woman by the side of the road, straightening from a bent position and smiling back at us.

"What did she do?" I asked.

The Bishop responded, his words separated by the pulsing rhythm of his steed "She - was - pick - ing - up - rub -ish."

I turned to take another look at the charitable soul.

She had one arm.

"How did she lose her arm?" again I queried.

"Not sure," said Booger, "but she's doing more with her one arm than the lazy fools who dropped their trash across our countryside."

I nodded and sped onward, making a note to lend both of my good arms to extricate the next bit of debris I came across.

Conveyed by The Congon

The Bishop and I hailed transportation at the port as we disembarked, since speed was of the essence.

"Where are you from?" I asked the driver, hearing his accent.

"I'm Congon," he happily replied as we made our way into the city, mountains forming and impressive backdrop on this clear and sunny day.

"What brings you here, so far from your land by the river?"

"I followed a girl," he replied, and I turned a knowing grin toward The Bishop. But The Congon added, "She did not love me, and took my daughter far away."

My smile faded, and The Bishop chimed in, "But at least you are here, in a prosperous land?"

"Yes, " The Congon agreed, "it is much better than the refugee camps."

"War?" I inquired.

"No," he explained, "I was a student, and protested the corrupt government, so the tyrant closed the school and persecuted us. I fled to a neighboring land where they sent us to camps."

"So these camps were unpleasant?" The Bishop inquired.

"Yes. The people were in a terrible state - disease, no food, insects. Fortunately, good people from your country noted me as worthy to come here."

He continued, "I got a job, but met a girl - so beautiful! She had my daughter, then broke my heart by leaving me. I left my job and used my money to try to be closer to them, but they moved again. And now I'm stuck here, dreaming of my daughter and hoping one day I can make enough money to buy unspoiled land in my home country."

I felt thankful for my minor inconveniences, and when we departed The Congon's conveyence, I nodded approval as The Bishop added a few more coins to the fare.

Iron Chair of Pain

The Bishop was admiring the cooling breeze in the garden, so unusual for this time of year. My attention was drawn to a robin, worm prey firmly in beak, when I heard The Bishop cry out: "My Lord!"

I turned to see my friend bolting away from an iron chair he had attempted to sit in, rubbing his arm. I noted that the chair was flanked by two blue agave.

I chuckled, and The Bishop remarked, "Who would set up a torture apparatus in such a beautiful garden?"

"They are special, pups from a plant over 100 years old." The Lizard chimed in from across the garden.

The Bishop didn't seem impressed, so I tried to cheer him up, "Well, if they didn't get you with their spines, I'm sure their contribution to the margaritas would have taken you out in the end."

Discrimination

"I would think that you would be the most outraged, Genghis, considering the history of your race." The Bishop noted as we stood outside the doorway, staring at the offending signage.

"I've learned to expect as much," I replied. "Besides, The Private seems to not mind staying here at the gate, as long as she can have a drop to quench her thirst."

"Perhaps we should point out that their own children pose more of a health risk than our good comrade at arms? Maybe that will lead them to reason."

"True, but I think it will be useless -- prejudice knows no reason."

The Hump's Hammer

I was glad to see The Earl of Humphrey ride up on his powerful black steed. The Bishop and The Lizard, after years of negotiations with several generations of leadership from the neighboring land, had arranged for the destruction of The Dead and Dangerous Trees. Now all that was left to rid our lands of the foul stench and fetid waters which had stagnated in our realm, was the demolition of the fortress-dam the undead flora had erected.



"You're arrival is timely, Hump. I'm in need of your power and strength!"



"No worries," The Earl replied, "I'll just need a implement to begin our work."



I placed the ancient hammer in his hands. He looked at the weapon, smiled and swung it high above his head.



Stone, wood and rock splintered under his mighty assault. Water and mud splashed high in great geysers as the debris fell. The locals moved for cover, but peered backed from safety at the mighty titan.



When The Bishop insisted he wear a visor to protect him from the shrapnel, I spelled my friend, concentrating on some particularly stubborn areas of the dam.



From both our efforts, slowly the fortress began to give way. And when, at last, one portion of the wall remained standing, The Hump delivered a final, deafening blow. The sundered fortress allowed the waters to flow. But I looked into The Earl's hands and realized the victory had a cost: the ancient hammer had broken under The Hump's mighty strength!



He gazed upon the two pieces that remained of his weapon and declared, "This good tool deserves a place of honor."



"It certainly does," The Bishop remarked, and added, "As do you... at our table for such fine service to our cause!"



This made both our spirits rise, and we ambled off to reap our victual rewards.

Sisters of the Shinai

"They used what?" The Bishop seemed perplexed.

"A shinai. It's a practice sword."

"Yes, Genghis, I know what it is," he replied, "I was talking about the other 'weapon'. It seems so... strange."

"Well, apparently The Donut found the doors to her inner keep ajar. Quite concerned that a band of brigands had broken into her abode, she summoned The Lizard."

"Prudent, and I'm sure that the shinai was chosen as a weapon of opportunity," The Bishop said, then added, " but what were they going to do with that door to a dog crate?"